When people have problems,
I can easily calm them.
My life has its highs and lows,
and I sometimes run into problems.
But if I work hard
I can get through it.
When I'm making music,
my life seems to be in perfect tune.
If you put too much pressure on me,
I'll snap.
But with a little hard work
I can keep calm and stay composed.
Hi Melissa,
ReplyDeleteThis is Mikayla, I think you did a good job on your poem. I like how you used some guitar and music terms in your poem like tune. I really like the first and last section of your poem it sounds really good, it really describes your personality and life. However I think you could improve on somethings. The second section of your poem was kind of confusing to me because I don't quite understand what you mean by "My life has its highs and lows and I sometimes run into problems" because I don't think guitars have highs and lows. Another thing is your last line doesn't make sense. "I can keep come and stay composed" I think you mean "I can keep calm and composed." If you fix those things your poem would be great.
Hey Mel!
ReplyDeleteI really like your poem. I think that your ideas that you used to relate yourself to a guitar are good. However, I think you could change some of your words to make your poem even better! Within your poem, you were a bit repetitive with some of the words such as, "When" or "but". For example, you could change the word "but" to "however" or "although". I think your line "My life has its highs and lows" was very creative since you were able to use guitar terms, however it might be easier to understand if you referred to the guitar more. Also, although your last line is good, I think that if you used it to summarize and tie together your metaphor, it would greatly add to your poem.
Overall, great job!
~Leah
Hi Melissa,
ReplyDeleteLike your classmates, I enjoyed reading your poem.
I agree with some of their suggestions and don't agree with others :)
I agree that it would be good to come up with more "guitar words"....think of verbs that describe a guitar's actions...think of the parts of a guitar...
I think, however, that it's okay to use "when" or "but" because they fit with the rhythm of the rest of the poem.
And I like how you played with the musical term "compose" at the end :)
Great job...looking forward to the video!
mrs s