What Matters

There are those who wonder what life is all about, the purpose of it, and there are those who question their existence. I was one of them. But what is it, really? The answer to that question comes from people who make mistakes but are able to learn from them. It took me a while to grasp that whole concept because in my perspective, life itself seemed like a broken guitar being thrown around, smashed to the ground; its strings unloosening and its figure cracking into a million pieces. From there, you can't put the pieces back together. The way we see it, life is like that broken guitar, but in reality, it's not.

Throughout my middle school years, many were afraid of me because the label I was given which was 'Ms. Popular'. Those were the ones who didn't bother to get to know me. There even was a teacher who tried to get rid of me because she saw me as a threat to her daughter, who was once my best friend, and everyone around me. And this is how it all started; my question for existence. I never realized that so many people were out to get me for things I haven't done. Most of them were lies and rumors and it was difficult to cope with at the time. Every little thing I did somehow led back to Mrs. Red. I never would have thought that I had to be so very careful with what I said around people or even on the social network, even about the tiniest detail. Somehow, my words would be twisted and everything I said would come back to bite me in the butt. I felt that every step I took, I would trip.

At first, I thought I was over exaggerating and being overdramatic till things started to become way more than a teenager could handle. It came to the point where I was being threatened to be expelled for things I didn't do. Nothing made much sense; there were never two sides to the story, just one and the side that was heard would definitely not be mine. When worst came to worse, there was me against the whole 8th grade class, unfortunately, even my friends, who were on Mrs. Red's side. So there was no one really to turn to because there wasn't a human being I knew I could trust, other than my mom.

But I couldn't bring myself to explain what was happening to me when I got home, not because things would possibly get worse, but because my mom's heart condition was all I could think about. I knew that in my heart that if I said something, I can't bear to see the hurt in my mother's eyes as she sees the pain in mine. Besides, my mom was already under a lot of stress and I didn't want to add more weight on her shoulders. But I can only hide everything for so long.

Walking towards us after a basketball game was my coach who had told me great job. In addition to that, he added, "Hope things get better with all the 'Mrs. Red' situations." My parents looked at me with such a confused yet skeptical look. Getting in the car, they demanded to know what's been going on. In the middle of explaining everything, the hardest ones to say hit me the most, leaving me in tears. I honestly didn't know what bothered me the most, whether it was Mrs. Red turning all my friends against me or threatening to expel me or on the days I'd have her class, I was her main target and the things she said would hit me emotionally and mentally.

Many of my classmates were sympathetic, but it made me wonder if they really meant it or if they just wanted to get a few words out of me so they could bring the information back to Mrs. Red to get me into more trouble. Things were crashing down and it felt like I was free falling into a never ending hole representing the many things I've lost and each time I'd grab ahold of a small piece of rock embedded into the wall of dirt, my hands would eventually slip off again.

One morning, dropping me off to school, my mom saw tears falling on my cheek in the rear view mirror. She didn't need to ask what was wrong because she already knew, but immediately, she said, "Do you want to transfer schools?" As miserable as I knew I was, I immediately said no. The whole ride, mom was giving me advice that went somewhere along the lines of, "I know you're hurting so much and I hate to see you like this, but I want you to keep in mind that God is always there for you and He's only testing you to see how far you'll go and if you'll give up. If you keep your head up, He will reward you someday later on in life, but for now, when you come across obstacles, pray to Him and for His guidance. He is always next to you. Remember, good things come to those who are patient."

Looking back on things, I never felt so alone in my life. But now I realize that my mom was right. I was never alone. God was with me every step of the way. Life is full of obstacles and that's what I went through. I learned that everyone goes through hardships, but some just get it easier than others. However, it's only a matter of being patient and being optimistic about things. Till today, people ask me, "Do you regret not transferring?" In response to that, I tell them "No, because if I hadn't of went through the things that I have, I never would have become the person I am today." Now that I'm in high school, I've learned to be a lot more independent and a lot more stronger and wiser than I was. Apart from that, I've learned to forgive. I went through the challenges life gave me and I don't regret any of it. And because of life, what matters to me the most is knowing that God is always there and He'll always be ready to carry me when I've grown tired.