Draft for Querencia

As I walk into the vibrant & calming array of St. Theresa's church, my eyes widen for the first time, seeing all the new renovations made to it. I was speechless, just gazing at how classy & unique it turned out to be. As my mouth opened in awe & astonishment, I walked down the aisle, letting my hand slide over every bench I pass by. My eyes were set on the marble cross over the altar. How different it seemed somehow overwhelmed me.

I thought back to when I was in Kindergarten. I couldn't help but wonder if this was actually the place I grew up in. All the memories came back to me; going into the church w/ my mom & brother early in the morning, being the first ones there, waiting for school to start, having morning prayers w/ the whole school, going to mass every Friday, getting reconciled & finally led up to our eighth grade graduation.

My favorite memory growing up would have to be my eighth grade graduation because it was a day filled w/ tears & mixed emotions. All in all, I felt surprised, yet crushed, as if there was a lot to think about. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to leave my past behind even though as I reached junior high, majority of them were things that I didn’t want to ponder on, that I would just move on. Walking down the aisle of the church w/ my fellow classmates whom I've had the pleasure of being w/ practically my whole life, I knew I was going to miss it all, despite all the thrilling & anxious moments in my life.

Growing up in this church, I've met a lot of new people, some who taught me lifelong lessons. They've become my second family & they've been through almost everything w/ me. Although they're all adults, most of them showed me my love & passion for singing in that very church. They were the ones who taught me to never be afraid to live out my faith. My first inspiration would have to be my music teacher, Mrs. Bernie. I admire her pessimism & her enthusiasm when it came to music. She wasn’t the kind of person who would let others bring her down; all she cared about was God’s opinion. Mrs. Bernie was w/ me since the first day I ever stepped foot onto the campus. My second inspirations are my Mama Fay & Manong Joel. Although I haven’t known them as long as I knew Mrs. Bernie, they’ve made a major impact on my life. As I found out that I was related to my Manong Joel, my relationship w/ both of them began to grow stronger. Till this day, they’d pick me up from school & together, we’d proceed to our youth ministry practices. Each of them give me hope because despite all the stress from the time when they were adolescents till now, they always keep their head up high & they let God & music lead their way. Honestly, if it wasn’t for them three, I wouldn’t be who I am today, which is strong headed & independent. & without their little ‘push’ from time to time, I would be a lazy slouch watching television on the couch.

Ever since I graduated, the church is the only place now where I'm able to see all the people I had memorable memories w/. When I was in eighth grade, I felt that my service to God wasn't enough. I wanted to do more. In eighth grade, I decided to be an altar server, but I could honestly say that I was very hesitant about it. After all these years of being the one to watch them, I finally got to be one. As the altar servers process up, I glance at all the people staring at us. When I first started out, my lips would tend to tighten, my heart would start pumping, & my knees would start to buckle up & start to tremble. All I cared about was making a mistake in front of all these people. As it began to be an every week type of thing, I grew out of the nervousness that I used to feel. Every Sunday, I always set the table for Communion & I would have to say that setting the table was one of the biggest challenges for me. From time to time, I still do observe the veterans & how they do the things that I’m just afraid to do, such as doing the incense. Other than that, I’m still trying to grasp everything.

Honestly, I never really understood the concept of being an altar server. I just thought of them as helping the priest. The first time I ever wore the alb, I had this feeling of excitement which flowed through my veins. I knew that my faith & belief in God changed; that the altar servers weren't just helping the priest, they were serving God. As my love for God developed tremendously, I wanted to do more. I decided to join the youth ministry. One lesson I learned was to never give up, even though you've made a mistake. So when I'm song leading, it shouldn't matter if I missed a note, cracked, or said a wrong word, all that mattered was the words & what it meant. Aside from that, I've gained courage & got over the nerves to sing in front of a crowd. Although it was nothing like a performance, I feel proud of doing it.
This church isn't just some building to me. It's where I lived my childhood worshipping God. Ever since then, I've changed into a better person because of God & everyone who led me towards the right path. I've been taught to trust God when it came to my struggles & hardships. When I'm in St. Theresa's church, I feel whole & pure. I know what I'm doing & it's a place where I can be myself.